FOR SALE

UNIQUE OFFICE SPACE

Scenic Pacific volcanic island in accessible location, only 40 minutes missile-time to US and Russia.

Property is large underground secret base, ideal for even the most demanding storage requirements.
Fitted out with all mod-cons, plus many additional features, including helipads and shark pool.
(Rocket pad can be included at discount price).

Recent fire damage means plenty of scope for redevelopment.
Fantastic potential for the right evil mastermind.

Quick sale preferred, price negotiable.

Please contact E Blofeld (whitepussy@spectre.evil). No time wasters.

Cutting from ‘Dictator’s Gazette’ (“The one-stop shop for all your domination needs!”)

It is said that travel and exploration have become too safe and predictable.
These days, even ‘Adventure Holidays’ have a disappointingly high chance of survival.
However, all is not lost.

For those truly intrepid souls prepared to seek danger out, a life-affirming (or ending) vacation is still possible.
To this end, we at Memento Mori Travel (motto: “Holiday with us, if it’s the last thing you do.”) have specially tailored the following itinerary:

COLOMBIA
Experience beautiful landscapes, drug running, kidnapping and the world’s highest homicide rate in the gateway to South America.
(Don’t forget to collect your free ‘mystery gift’ to take back through customs. Just ask for Mr Escobar.)

HAITI
Caribbean sun and social turmoil form a heady cocktail.
Sunbathing is at your own risk.

ZIMBABWE
See first hand the effects that insane despotism can have on a previously prosperous country.
(Remember to add the ‘Chased by an angry mob’ option. Only $50 extra!)

SOMALIA
Enjoy a relaxing cruise around the Gulf of Arabia with only a 90% percent chance of hijacking.

ISRAEL/PALESTINIAN TERRITORIES.
Marvel at over 2000 years of history. Get depressed by how little that history has changed.

IRAQ
In our opinion, there is no better way to see a country than from within a heavily armoured personel carrier.

AFGHANISTAN
And if all that hasn’t (literally) taken your breath away, then what better way to end than sipping a cocktail in the Kabul Hilton, watching the nearby Tailban positions being shelled.