Excerpts from the log of Captain James Wesley Barnacle, Royal Navy frigate ‘Irretrievable’

December 10th 1729
Have now reached the limits of our existing maps. We sail into the unknown Pacific vastness. Crew spirits are good and our excitement is palpable.

December 25th 1729
While in the midst of our Christmas celebrations, the look-out spotted land. On going ashore, it turned out to be a sparsely wooded, un-inhabited islet. Have named it ‘Barnacle Island’, rejecting the frankly ridiculous suggestion of Lieutenant Pressgang, my first officer, to christen it ‘Christmas Island’.

January 1st 1730
The new decade dawns. Extra rum rations for all men.

January 2nd 1730
After the unfortunate incidents of yesterday, have had all thirty of the offending crew members flogged. Lieutenant Pressgang counselled leniency, though luckily for him not in front of the men. My doubts about his reliability are increasing.

February 23rd 1730
Land spotted, which was a relief as conditions on board were becoming desperate. Able to stock up on water and celebrate Shrove Tuesday in proper fashion. Unpleasant incident where I has to upbraid Lieutenant Pressgang in front of the crew for having the temerity to name the island ‘Shrove Island’. Luckily, I control the drafting of the map, and posterity shall forever know this land as ‘Barnacle Cove’.

March 12th 1730
Easter Sunday, and matters came to a head with Pressgang. Two days have passed since we made land-fall on the largest island we have discovered so far. Again, Pressgang had the outright cheek to presume to name it ‘Easter Island’, when ‘Barnacle Land’ would have been a much more fitting title. I wasted no time in forcefully reminding him of this fact and ordering him to be thrown into the brig. Unfortunately, he was equally quick in mutinying, seizing my command, and marooning me here.
As I write, I can see the ‘Irretrievable’ sail over the horizon, comforted only by the fact of the large ‘Barnacle Land’ sign I am constructing, which will proclaim this land’s true name for all time.